Harry is just leaving his job, without another one to go to. This is the second senior position in a row that he has left because he was unable to influence his seniors.
Despite being exceptionally good at his job, perfectionist, avid learner, he still has not been able to get the success he believes he should.
Hearing Harry’s story led to some interesting thoughts about what can/does go wrong in relationships that I thought would be worth sharing with you today.
Being Unliked
Firstly, Harry believes one of the problems he has is not liked by many people. He is fiercely independent (in thought and deed). Taking pride in his ability to learn, and overcome challenges. Consequently, he is quite isolated. People don’t even offer to help – not that he would want it anyway. I
f you want to influence, and don’t have the power/will to force it, it helps a great deal if those you want to influence, like and, respect you. This means you must open up and share as well as listen and like others. Few will like someone who doesn’t like them!
Uncharismatic
Harry believes that one of the differences between himself and those he wishes to influence are that they are more charismatic. Many believe that those with charisma were born that way. And they make it seem so, they are naturally able to charm the birds out of the trees.
The reality is they learned is, albeit at a very young age. And if they can learn it, so can you – and you don’t even need to become smarmy, sycophantic or insincere. Here are some ideas that might help if this matters to you: How to Be Charming.
Untrusted
What this boils down to is a general lack of trust being created in his relationships. Sure, they trust him to execute his duties, but other than that, many questions remain in their minds.
To build trust, it helps to know The Four Core Principles of Trust. To some, building trust comes naturally, others have to work at it. There are many articles here on trust, so why not use the search bar at the bottom of this page to learn more if this is important to tyou.
Oh, and one point to ponder. I’ve no data on this, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the people who find it most difficult to gain the trust of others are those who themselves find it difficult to trust others. I’ll leave you to ponder that one!
Different Styles
And finally, differences in style I believe are also a big factor here for Harry. If you are different from others in your values, beliefs and behaviours, it puts more distance between you and makes trust building harder. So, I’ve recommended Harry completes the Influence Profile. This is a short psychometric I use with clients to help them understand their own preferred way of behaving, and then use the framework to determine how to adapt their behaviour to communicate and influence others more effectively.
The bottom line here is that if you want to build good relationships with your colleagues, and eradicate this negative part of your working life (career), you have to make a conscious effort to do something different. Learn to adapt the way you engage with people.
Or, you could just keep leaving, as Harry has done so far.
Up to you, all the answers are here on this site, if you’re up for it.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
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