During Gautrey Live in September, we had a far reaching discussion on how to handle hostile stakeholders, and this highlight for many was the topic of mindset, i.e. what is the best mindset to adopt when facing up to a hostile stakeholder.
Overall, the main purpose of these mindset principles is to put you in a position whereby your emotions are under control, calm and allowing you to respond in the most effective way to the other individual.
Here are the seven principles we discussed:-
- Positive Intent. Take on board the concept that whatever behaviours you are experiences, they are choosing those behaviours for what they believe they will most likely get the outcome they want. However wrong, misguided or incompetent they may be, the individual is doing it for good reason.
- Positive Expectations. Take heart. Where there is a will, there is a way – and you can find it. Believe that you will find it. Somehow, you will find a way to break through the problem and on the others side, a much improved relationship awaits.
- Empathic Heart. Hard to believe, but on the other end of this problem is a human being. Someone, just like you with hopes and fears, a fellow traveller trying to do the best and perhaps struggling against the odds. With your greater awareness and capability, maybe you are just the right person to give them a helping hand.
- Opportunity to Learn. Facing a difficult person is not necessarily something that anyone would wish for, but now the opportunity has presented itself, what can you learn? See this as a moment to find new ways of being with others who have different views or ideas. Surely, if you can learn how to overcome this one, you’re less likely to struggle in this way in the future? Put another way, time to rise to the challenge!
- Collaboration to Agree / Solutions Focus. Contrary to custom, flip adversarial situations (at first in your mind) into a problem-solving session. Two people coming together to find a mutually acceptable solution. If you can enter into collaboration mode, they’ll probably rise to the occasion too.
- Determination to Succeed. Set your mind to it. And don’t settle for a partial solution, or a ceasefire. Go all out for becoming best friends, or close confederates with an excellent working relationship. Stop at nothing until you get the relationship to that level.
- It’s Not Personal. It never is in reality. You just happen to be in their way, causing them a problem, presenting an obstacle. That doesn’t mean it is persona and you don’t need to take it personal, though many (most) do. So put away your ego, your anger at being insulted or whatever, and bring forth your professional approach and get busy.
When you adjust your mindset to these principles, you’ll end up in that ideal spot of these situations just being part of the day job. Nothing particularly unusual – people get upset – and simply the next task you have to deal with. That way, your emotions will be under control and you’ll move faster through these kind of matters.
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