Extract from the Positive Influence for Women research.
According to recent research by the Workplace Bullying Institute, women are 50% more likely to be the victim of bullying at work than men. Despite the growing awareness of this problem, they estimate that around 5.76 million US women are, or have recently been, subjected to serious bullying at work. They have also found that 27% of people are or have experienced bullying in the past. Is this likely to be any different elsewhere in the world? I doubt it.
In an earlier article in this series (Women and Bullying), I promised to return to this subject to share more detail about how you can develop your awareness and skill so that you can reduce the possibility of becoming a victim. In addition, in this article I hope to be able to offer some help to anyone who is currently suffering at the hands of a bully.
I do not pretend to be an expert in the legal aspects of bullying, nor counselling. If that’s what you need, the links below will help. However, I do know quite a bit about helping people to become more powerful and influential.
Bullying is only possible because someone notices an imbalance of perceived power and decides to take advantage of the situation. Perceived because the bully may incorrectly believe they have more power than they actually have and, more commonly, the victim believes they have far less power than they actually have.
On this basis, if you want to prevent bullying from occurring in your career, you need to strive to:
- Build awareness. Invest some time now in making sure that you are well-informed about this topic. If it hasn’t happened to you already, that’s great — but don’t be complacent. Ensure you know what it is and why it happens.
- Build personal power. There is no doubt in my mind that the more personally powerful you are as an individual, the less likely it is that someone will attempt to take advantage of the imbalance in power. You cannot always be the most powerful person around however, you should make sure you are continually working on building your power and influence.
- Monitor behaviour. Don’t become paranoid and find trouble where it doesn’t exist, but do stay alert for the potential. Make sure to look out for bullying (overly assertive) behaviours in Are You a Bully? If too many of these are coming from the same source, you need to act fast.
- Build assertive skills. One way to respond to bullying problems is to get someone else to intervene for you. Sometimes this is necessary, however far more effective (and gratifying) is to have developed your power and your assertive skills so that you can take the required action. Don’t wait for a problem to arise before you focus on this skill in your personal development plan. There is almost a 1 in 3 chance it will happen to you some day.
- Take early action. Nip it in the bud. Don’t act too early — make sure that a problem is brewing. Then take swift action to make sure the potential bully gets the measure of your personal power and capability. Not in a threatening or adversarial way, but in a very firm way.
Building self-confidence is also essential because it will provide a great deal of courage to be able to take the necessary action if a situation needs to be dealt with. If you are diligent on each of the points above, self-confidence will not be a problem for you.
If you are currently being bullied, all of the above is still relevant however, time is of the essence; the longer you wait, the worse it will get. Here are some additional suggestions to add to the extensive online research you should be doing…
- Get help and support. Don’t do this on your own. You may end up being the one who takes the action to remedy the situation, but before that you would be well advised to build a base of support and get lots of guidance before you act.
- Learn as much as you can. Read extensively about the topic and also focus on analysing exactly what is happening in your situation. You need to do your best to be objective. It is not easy to put your emotions to one side so you can analyse the situation and that is another good reason to get some support.
- Check the legal position. Make sure you understand your position from a legal and policy position. Knowing exactly how your company deals with these situations can increase your confidence and guide your decisions. You don’t have to make use of them, but it is wise to know what they could do for you.
- Define outcomes. What exactly do you want to happen in the end? While vengeance may be understandable, more fruitful might be to be able to re-establish a healthy working relationship.
- Make a clear decision. You don’t have to take action, you could just walk away. That is your choice and you’re responsible whatever you decide to do. Don’t idle and hope it goes away though — that’s unlikely to happen. Most bullying scenarios continue to get worse until action is taken or someone breaks.
- Boost your confidence. Do everything you can to lift your levels of self-confidence so that you can empower yourself to take the action you decide on. Your support network can help here too. If you’re planning to tackle your bully directly, make sure your friends know what you are doing and can be there before and after the planned exchange.
- Make a plan. Don’t just rush in and be all assertive and try to influence the individual to change. Get smart and build a strategy and a plan for dealing with the situation. This would include contingencies in case things don’t go the way you want them to and perhaps escalation plans too.
- Keep close to your friends. The risks and emotions will both be running high so maintaining your support network is vital. Again, they don’t necessarily need to be acting for you, but being ready and willing to give moral support when you need it may come in very useful.
- Keep calm. Do whatever you can to retain your composure. If you lose control you are handing the advantage to the bully. They may well use this against you. If you are beginning to lose it, exit any meeting as fast as you can before they make things even worse for you. When you’ve found some calm again and thought it through, then you can decide what to do next.
- Remain focused. As mentioned at the beginning, the cause of the problem is a power imbalance. To cure the problem you need to find ways to adjust the balance of power between you and the bully with regard to the situation/behaviours. You don’t need to become more powerful than them overall, but you do need them to realise that you have sufficient power to be able to bring unfavourable consequences onto them if they persist.
This article is the longest in this series (and the readings the most extensive) because I feel it is so important. So please, whatever your situation, make sure and read further on this topic and, if it helps, make sure to share this with someone else who needs it.
Responses:
“When I’m coaching and the matter of personal confidence comes up, whether in response to an interview, presentation or tackling a difficult and threatening situation, I often ask people to consider what they can use to build personal and professional confidence? Professional knowledge and expertise always feature, but in managing a situation where you are risk of being bullied, personal inner confidence is just as important as professional knowledge. I ask those I’m working with to explore their feelings of inner confidence, the attributes that contribute to this and how this can be developed in order to feel more confident and powerful in tackling a difficult situation.Personal gravitas can be worn both outwardly and shine from within: feeling, acting, looking and walking the part is essential, as well as having the technical ability to get a job done.”
Pauline Owen, Executive Coach, UK
Additional references and reading in the eBook:
- Workplace Bullying Institute 2014 US Bullying Survey. (more info).
- StopBullying.Gov — Get Help Now.
- Bullying UK.
- National Centre Against Bullying.
- Exercise: What Personal Power You Have?
- Personal Power Word Examples
- Leaders: Bullies by Nature or Nurture?
Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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