A couple of weeks ago I was at a conference where one of the key challenges the delegates were facing in their organisations was not being understood. They were struggling with gaining buy-in from their senior colleagues to the contribution that they were making, and they also felt that they could add extra value if given half a chance. “They simply don’t understand us,” was the sentiment from one delegate.
Most people have an innate need to feel that they are understood by those around them. When you know that others understand you, you’ll relax a bit and trust a bit more. Because they really understand your position, your attention will shift. Instead of working hard to be understood, you’ll have time to spend on other things. You may start wondering how the other person could help you. Or even, how could you help them? Both of these require that you understand them.
Therefore, to quote Stephen R. Covey:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Implementing This Principle
To understand others…
- Listen deeply, very deeply.
- Walk in their shoes.
- Consider what you would think, feel and do.
To demonstrate understanding…
- Reflect back what you’ve heard.
- Talk in their language.
- Confirm their issues, concerns and priorities.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
Ever felt overlooked, unheard, or stuck in office politics? You’re not alone. The Gautrey Influence Blog breaks down the real-world strategies behind leadership, influence, and power—giving you the tools to be heard, respected, and successful. Join 35,000+ professionals getting ahead the smart way—subscribe now.
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To be understood…
- Demonstrate your understanding first.
- Translate your world into their language.
- Connect your agenda to theirs.
In fact, if you do the first two parts really well, the other party will be motivated to return the favour and invest in understanding your position; no longer will you need to work hard to be understood.
An Important Footnote
One of the finest examples of the right attitude towards stakeholder influence was suggested at the end of one workshop: “We’ve got it all wrong, we shouldn’t be aiming to get them to buy-in to us, we should be making sure we advocate them and their cause with all our energy”. To me, this takes Covey’s quote into a higher order of effectiveness!
The Gautrey Influence Blog
Ever felt overlooked, unheard, or stuck in office politics? You’re not alone. The Gautrey Influence Blog breaks down the real-world strategies behind leadership, influence, and power—giving you the tools to be heard, respected, and successful. Join 35,000+ professionals getting ahead the smart way—subscribe now..
💡 Benchmark your Influence: Take the Master of Influence Assessment (Free for Subscribers!)
👉 [Subscribe & Take the Assessment]