As you grow up and experience the world you begin to learn what works and what does not work. When you find something that works, you will tend to repeat it until such time as it is proven conclusively that it no longer works for you. This is how personality evolves and behaviours become habitual.
Yet, what works for you, may or may not work for someone else. Indeed, it may work for you in some situations better than in others. So things begin to get rather complicated, and interesting.
Since all of my work involves helping people to become more influential, I have approached these personality differences in terms of how people prefer to influence. By doing this, I can help people to begin to see where personality clashes interrupt their influence. It also offers simple ways to adapt their behaviour, or influencing style, in order to become more influential.
There are just a few key principles which sit behind this approach (more about these in the related reading). These principles will help you to learn how to unlock the potential to adapt your style…
- Everyone has a slightly different preferred style which they will tend to use automatically, especially when stressed.
- If people communicate with each other using different styles, they’ll get distracted from the content of the communication.
- When styles match, communication and influence can flow unhindered.
The questionnaire I use calibrates people on four dimensions of behaviour. Each person will vary on the extent that they prefer each of these dimensions…
- Sociability and Networking
- Tact and Diplomacy
- Determination
- Emotional Control
The general idea is that you can assess differences between you and someone you need to influence by referring to the behaviours that make up these dimensions (see below).
For instance, if you are quite reserved and able to focus on your work without distracting yourself, you may score quite low on Sociability and Networking. There is nothing necessarily wrong with this, that’s just how you are. Imagine your reaction when you meet the life and soul of the party, or someone who is fascinated in people and what makes them tick, as well as seeming to be able to get everyone laughing. Again, nothing wrong with them, that’s just how they are. But I wonder, what distracting thoughts go through your mind when you start trying to influence them? And, what might they be thinking about you?
In the readings below you will find many links to explore this topic and gain a full grasp of the behaviours, the principles and also, most importantly, the simple steps you can begin to take to remove the distraction, adapt your style and become more influential.
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