Last week I have a chat with an acquaintance. Well no, not a chat, I got talked to.
He got on his hobby horse on some topic that I was not particularly interested in, knew more about than he did, but he had me trapped.
Without wanting to be rude of impolitic I humoured him. Nodded and offered the occasional contribution to try to move things on a bit.
Afterwards, once I’d escaped I was frustrated. Annoyed at the insult to my intelligence, education and background. Even a little angry that he had wasted my time.
Then I noticed what was going on. It wasn’t about him at all. Sure, he had been the one to stimulate these feelings, but it was I who had fallen into the trap at the time, and afterwards, feeling things that I didn’t want to feel.
In that moment I decided to stop it. Change my feelings and bring forward more positive emotions such as kindness, respect, good-humour.
This morning my mind went back to that event. I started feeling annoyed again. Recounting over my coffee how … then I realised and stopped again. This time, much shorter, much less intense. The feeling of control came back. Even a little empowered, realising that I now have much more control over how I feel in response to what goes on out there in the big wide world.
Something well worth practicing I think. That opportunity will arise this morning as I’m due to see him again. I wonder how I will perform?
Now I’m smiling. I know all this, I’ve written of it before, yet still I have work to do.
And you, do you still have work to do as you learn how to stop letting others play with your emotions? How much control have you got?
UPDATE: Practice went well in terms of controlling my own emotional reaction, but the repetition of his opinionated way led to a conscious decision on my part. Time to minimise engagement in future. You don’t have to get on with everyone and learning when to pull away is important!
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