One of the reasons most people struggle for influence, is that they try too hard.

Subtlety is everything.

When you try to influence, people can see it. And if they can’t, they’ll likely smell something is off, that you’re up to no good.

Instead of seeking influence, aim to help people to make great decisions, to advance their agenda - while hopefully, moving you towards your goals as well.

This means you have to be open, honest, well-meaning and creative.

 

I think this might be called collaboration. What would you call it?

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In my experience in life, and as a coach, the most incredible personal transformations are born from total collapse.

At the darkest hour, the mind, and heart, opens to new possibilities - like never before.

Why?

Many reasons, but chief among these is that the individual is ready to give up on their old ways, because they have failed.

Then, with the right support, new beliefs and habits can be created, and a new person is born.

The good news is, you don’t have to wait for a disaster to get moving on creating a new life!

 

What are you waiting for?

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If you need more gravitas, reflect on an area in your life in which you have total confidence, because this is where you will exude gravitas. 

In that area, you will know exactly what to do, how to react to others, and you’ll be calm and self-assured - confident.

Pull it apart. Why is it that you have that high level of confidence? Is it skills, experience, knowledge, relationships? Why are you able to convey high levels of gravitas?

Then ask, how can you apply these insights to another part of your life? Or better, to all parts of your life?

A little hint. Once you have substance, gravitas is mainly a matter of mindset.

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Sometimes, I find myself drifting, not making progress. Usually, overthinking - or to be honest, over-complicating matters. Oh yes, and easily distracted. 

This is a problem, and a waste of time.

When I catch myself stuck like this, the best solution is fast action. I think of three things I can do in the next 30 minutes, and get moving fast. 

Related or unrelated to the task I’m stuck on. What matters, is flipping back into action mode, making progress on something, anything.

When done, how can I break through the blockage? Still not sure? Go do another three things.

Usually, the reason I am stuck is because of my mindset. I use action to shift my mindset, fast.

 

How do you get moving again, when you are stuck?

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In Adlerian psychology, we cultivate a strange yet life changing concept in the lives of our clients. 

It is not their job to get others to agree with them. It is not their job to have others support their projects. It is not their job to educate their children, nor even get their lovers to love them.

This is hardcore personal development. 

It is also extremely liberating, and paves the way for phenomenal success.

Oh, and most certainly, it is not our client’s job to get people to like them.

Can you handle life-changing transformation?

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Integrity and reliability are noble attributes, but come on, don’t bore people to tears! 

Both contribute to trust, and trust is vital in relationships - but so too is interest and enjoyment. Unless people are interested in you, and find your company enjoyable, all the trust in the world is unlikely to get you full marks on the relationship front.

Within bounds, it’s good to surprise people, in a nice way, or a cheeky way. Aim to always have something up your sleeve to keep people on their toes. 

They know you, with integrity and reliability, but they never quite know what’s coming next.

 

Without risking your relationships, how can you be less boring today?

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It’s said that the brain uses 20% of our energy. How are you using that energy?

Saving that energy is not an option, but how you use if is up to you.

Are you spending your energy worrying about things you have no control over - like what an idiot so-and-so is? You don’t need to think about that.

Or, fretting about what may happen, or not happen? If you have no control over it, what’s the point in wasting your energy thinking about it?

How about re-allocating that energy to useful things?

How to ensure that idiot doesn’t knock you off course? Or, how can you mitigate the risks and maximise the opportunities? What you are going to do? How can you step towards your goals?

Cultivate the habit of increasing the efficiency of your energy consumption.

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You have no right to criticise others, unless asked, or it’s your job.

By all means form internal views on their actions, but don’t judge them. 

How can you possibly know them well enough to determine if they were right or wrong?

Surely, they took the action they thought would be best for them, based on all their experience, knowledge and objectives. 

Instead, just get curious, in a non-judgmental way.

And, if it is your job to criticise others, I’d wager there are better ways of fulfilling your responsibilities.

Do you need to wind your neck in?

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Unless you expect something to happen, it probably won’t. 

Why? 

Because you’re expecting something else to happen, or at best, you’re confused about what will happen. 

You have to really expect what you want to happen with conviction - heart and soul. 

The funny thing is, you don’t have to rationalise it or know how it will happen, just that it definitely will come to pass.

 

So, what are you expecting today?

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