Life is so busy.

People to see, places to go. Aiming high, hitting goals.

What fun this life of thrills and spills.

But then what?

All those people you touched along the way, where are they?

It’s said that people remember not what you’ve done, but how you made them feel.

If you want them to be around you still, add a little warmth and genuine interest.

It’s easy to have excellent relationship, but enduring ones require an investment of care.

Making people feel like valued, amongst all that busyness, will earn you goodwill, loyalty and lasting friendship.

As John Hardwick kindly mentioned yesterday, I’ve a few ideas about politics and influence. With nigh on 20 years experience coaching and training people on influence, here are 7 of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to influence:-

1. Not Trying. Talking yourself out of even attempting to influence. “They’ll never say yes.”
2. Half-Hearted Attempt: Having a go, knowing they’ll say no. “They’ll never say yes but I’ve got to be seen to try.”
3. Speaking the Wrong Language. Using your own jargon and buzzwords instead of translating it into their world.
4. Ignoring their Agenda. Understandable since your agenda is the most important one on the planet.
5. Assuming their Agenda. You know what they are really after, you don’t even need to check. A tad arrogant me thinks.
6. Lack of Benefits: Or at least, failure to connect your ask with benefits to them. “They have the intelligence, and I wouldn’t want to patronise them.”
7. Trying Too Hard: Protesting too much? Looking a little desperate?

There are simple ways to avoid all of these mistakes that are well within your capability - yes, even you.

But first, be honest, which of these are you most guilty of?

One of the reasons we don’t ask is that deep down we don’t want to be rejected. We don’t want the disappointment, the embarrassment of failing to get what we ask for. That is very real, and is a massive opportunity cost to careers, and lives.

I put it to you -  if you don’t ask, you’ll never get what you want, and you’ll be left wondering, what if they’d said yes.

So risk, reward. If you have an ask, ask and see what happens. At worst you can feel good for having asked, for having tried. And likely, you’ll also gain respect for having had the courage to ask.

But for heavens sake, when you do pluck up the courage to set your life on a new path, don’t ask with the expectation that you’ll be turned down. Ask with positive expectation, believing that you will get that yes.

Now, what ask has been waiting too long to be asked in your life? 

Go on, ask it, ask it today!

Go on, get out there and listen to your people. That’s good, but not enough.

To gain respect (and credibility) you need to hear what people are saying, understand what they mean - and then let them know you’ve understood.

Nobody really expects to get what they want all the time, and people who’ve been heard will be pretty tolerant. However, people who’ve only been listened to but not heard will work hard to undermine you.

So be bold.

 Listen actively and check your understanding. 

People will love the care you show as you risk getting it wrong. They won’t hold it against you, but welcome the opportunity to correct your understanding. They’ll also be far more prepared to understand your position too.

When was the last time you risked exposing your lack of understanding to a stakeholder, colleague or customer?

Simple…

#1: Get a big bold vision that will change the world in which you wish to lead.

#2: Find a way to articulate that vision, so people get it, loud and clear.

#3: Motivate, encourage and cajole people to go all-in.

#4: Remain acutely aware of everything around you, adjust and keep going.

Are you a leader, a manager, or a mouse?

Your choice.

PS: Nowt against mice, they’re cute.

As an investor, I speculate – wildly. 

Making decisions that would leave most people weak at the knees. 

Before I place my bet, I mitigate the risks. Researching, thinking, learning. Turning over stones, looking around corners.

Then I place my bet, and leave others thinking that I’m mad. Thing is, they don’t know what I know.

What I’ve learned – to succeed, you don’t do what everyone else is doing. You don’t think like everyone else and you don’t feel like everyone else.

This applies to every walk of life. 

In your career, it pays to be different. 

To feel, think and act differently from everyone else. And you do this, while knowing more than everyone else and mitigating the risks. 

Your moves appear reckless, but you’ve stacked the odds in your favour.

Be bold not reckless. And, don’t be boring – that never pays.

You can’t change your personality. 

Rubbish. Easy as pie.

Don’t be fooled. Psychiatrists would have you believe that personality and identity are synonymous, and thus, personality is hard to change.

Nonsense. It’s a trap, don’t believe them.

Personality is just the behavioural wrapper you choose to surround your identity with. Just change the wrapper, you don’t gave to change yourself.

Think about it. 

Those behaviours you want to see in your life, have you used them before? Bet you have.

In which case, you can use them again.

What might take a little effort, is polishing them and making them a habit. But, if you choose, this too can be easy.

Game to give it a try?

One of the reasons most people struggle for influence, is that they try too hard.

Subtlety is everything.

When you try to influence, people can see it. And if they can’t, they’ll likely smell something is off, that you’re up to no good.

Instead of seeking influence, aim to help people to make great decisions, to advance their agenda - while hopefully, moving you towards your goals as well.

This means you have to be open, honest, well-meaning and creative.

I think this might be called collaboration. What would you call it?

In my experience in life, and as a coach, the most incredible personal transformations are born from total collapse.

At the darkest hour, the mind, and heart, opens to new possibilities - like never before.

Why?

Many reasons, but chief among these is that the individual is ready to give up on their old ways, because they have failed.

Then, with the right support, new beliefs and habits can be created, and a new person is born.

The good news is, you don’t have to wait for a disaster to get moving on creating a new life!

What are you waiting for?