Trust is a troublesome five letter word pointing to a tricky concept.

Once mastered, it transforms relationships and results while creating friends for life.

Let’s simplify to get you tightly focused on your action.

Trust is the expectation of performance, be that keeping secrets, delivering on time, or any other performance you could be affected by.

You may want a supplier to tell you the truth, but you may expect them to lie. If you know what performance to expect, you can act accordingly, either relying on what they’ve said, or verifying with another source before you buy.

The real problem with lack of trust is the unpredictability, so you don’t know how best to act.

Think of a situation with a stakeholder. What do you expect them to do or say? If you don’t know, how can you find out? If you do know what to expect, will that be good or bad for you? What action needs to be taken?

The uncertainty is the killer when trust is not present or is patchy, making you inefficient in your own action.

Thus, the imperative in important relationships is to get to know them so well that you can predict even their feelings in different situations.

A great way of accelerating this is beginning by helping them get to know how predictably/reliable you are - in positive ways of course!

You are predictable in appropriate ways aren’t you?

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The way you award respect to others will have a material impact on your relationships. I would also argue, it also says a great deal about your level of maturity.

There are many ways to respect others, so let’s play a little game. 

Are you awarding respect in a healthy, or an unhealthy way?

Think of 3 or 4 people you respect.

For each, note down what why they have your respect.

Take your time, this is really important. If you can get this right, your relationships, and the benefits that flow (each way) are going to skyrocket.

Don’t miss this opportunity. Write them down, at least 3 reasons for each person you are thinking of.

Do you notice any themes in the way you award respect?

Much as I’d love to reveal what’s in my mind right now, I’m going to leave it for a few days to let you reflect. This will help you to embrace this idea.

Check back here end of the week and you'll find the continuation, Healthy Respect.

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Unless you are able to clearly state your vision or goal in a sentence or two, you’re missing opportunities to realise it.

If you can’t be clear, you will lose efficiency of your own thoughts and action. Wandering around looking lost.

If you cannot explain it quickly to others, they’ll get confused, waste their own thought and action, or just ignore you and get on with other things.

When you look and sound lost, why would anyone else jump aboard your vision and purpose?

Clarity also makes it easy to oppose and argue. Yet without this (creative) tension and challenge, your vision will probably flounder anyway.

Is that why you don’t invest in greater clarity, because you are scared of the challenge?

If so, I’ve some news for you. It’s heading in your direction anyway.

 

Time to get proactive, ahead of the challenge, and get crystal clear on what you are shooting for?

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…regardless of circumstance.

When you have developed to the stage where this is true, you’ve cracked this game of life.

You cannot control others to make you happy, nor can you control world events and government policy to make you happy.

Happiness comes from within, not without. And you can (in time) learn to control what’s going on inside. You can learn to choose how you relate to the world, and those around you. 

No, I don’t mean withdraw from the world, nor from the action around you. You can still work to shape events and circumstance. Just detach those outcomes from your feelings of happiness.

It takes time, discipline, and humility to cultivate this in your life, but every day you can step a little closer, by choosing to be happy, regardless. 

So, if you’d like a tip from me, set this as your goal, to be busy with life and happy whatever the outcome.

Go on, start today - make today a happy day!

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There are three main problems with lack of confidence.

1. Paralysis. Dazzled by the headlights, unable to act.
2. Under-Performance: Doing things far below the actual level of competence.
3. Delay: While the individual figures out what to do for the best.

To increase your self-confidence, recognise three things:

1. Confidence is a state of mind. As such is potentially within your control.
2. Feeling lack of confidence is a positive indicator that you sit on the edge of an exciting new opportunity to learn.
3. Confidence in one area can be leveraged onto other areas or tasks.

Boosting self-confidence is all about altering your thoughts, which affect your feelings and in turn, adapt your performance to meet the challenge.

Arguably, confidence is simply the journey we are all on in life. A natural progression  of ups and downs. The rollercoaster we can life.

Assuming you want to live, you have to learn to ride this well, and enjoy the bumps along the way.

Have fun!

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Life is so busy.

People to see, places to go. Aiming high, hitting goals.

What fun this life of thrills and spills.

But then what?

All those people you touched along the way, where are they?

It’s said that people remember not what you’ve done, but how you made them feel.

If you want them to be around you still, add a little warmth and genuine interest.

It’s easy to have excellent relationship, but enduring ones require an investment of care.

Making people feel like valued, amongst all that busyness, will earn you goodwill, loyalty and lasting friendship.

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As John Hardwick kindly mentioned yesterday, I’ve a few ideas about politics and influence. With nigh on 20 years experience coaching and training people on influence, here are 7 of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to influence:-

1. Not Trying. Talking yourself out of even attempting to influence. “They’ll never say yes.”
2. Half-Hearted Attempt: Having a go, knowing they’ll say no. “They’ll never say yes but I’ve got to be seen to try.”
3. Speaking the Wrong Language. Using your own jargon and buzzwords instead of translating it into their world.
4. Ignoring their Agenda. Understandable since your agenda is the most important one on the planet.
5. Assuming their Agenda. You know what they are really after, you don’t even need to check. A tad arrogant me thinks.
6. Lack of Benefits: Or at least, failure to connect your ask with benefits to them. “They have the intelligence, and I wouldn’t want to patronise them.”
7. Trying Too Hard: Protesting too much? Looking a little desperate?

There are simple ways to avoid all of these mistakes that are well within your capability - yes, even you.

But first, be honest, which of these are you most guilty of?

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One of the reasons we don’t ask is that deep down we don’t want to be rejected. We don’t want the disappointment, the embarrassment of failing to get what we ask for. That is very real, and is a massive opportunity cost to careers, and lives.

I put it to you -  if you don’t ask, you’ll never get what you want, and you’ll be left wondering, what if they’d said yes.

So risk, reward. If you have an ask, ask and see what happens. At worst you can feel good for having asked, for having tried. And likely, you’ll also gain respect for having had the courage to ask.

But for heavens sake, when you do pluck up the courage to set your life on a new path, don’t ask with the expectation that you’ll be turned down. Ask with positive expectation, believing that you will get that yes.

Now, what ask has been waiting too long to be asked in your life? 

Go on, ask it, ask it today!

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Go on, get out there and listen to your people. That’s good, but not enough.

To gain respect (and credibility) you need to hear what people are saying, understand what they mean - and then let them know you’ve understood.

Nobody really expects to get what they want all the time, and people who’ve been heard will be pretty tolerant. However, people who’ve only been listened to but not heard will work hard to undermine you.

So be bold.

 Listen actively and check your understanding. 

People will love the care you show as you risk getting it wrong. They won’t hold it against you, but welcome the opportunity to correct your understanding. They’ll also be far more prepared to understand your position too.

 

When was the last time you risked exposing your lack of understanding to a stakeholder, colleague or customer?

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