If you want to successfully influence someone, one of the key things you need to be able to do is to demonstrate that you are confident. You need to be confident that you know what you are talking about, can handle any objections and that what you say is accurate. You also need to be able to convey that there is no doubt in your mind that what you are asking them to do is absolutely right for them.
In an earlier article, I shared some thoughts about the self-talk, and that can easily erode your inner confidence (Failing to Attempt to Influence), and now I’d like to challenge you in a different way.
You cannot always be 100% confident. You cannot always be totally sure that what you are asking for is correct. You cannot always have a complete set of data or all of the facts. In those times, you can use your confident behaviour to smooth the way.
In order to learn more about how people show confidence, or the lack of it, for the next few days I’d like you to study those around you. The two questions you need to focus on are…
- How do people behave when they are totally confident?
- What tells you that someone lacks confidence?
Try to build a list of the little clues that you notice, and make them long lists. These lists are best done when you can quietly observe individuals interacting with others. Quiet times during meetings are ideal observational opportunities. Notice the little things like…
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- Fidgeting, playing with their hair or pen.
- Avoiding eye contact, furtively looking around.
- Breathing evenly and deeply.
- Smiling.
The longer you can make your lists the better. What this is doing is building your awareness of the signals which people subconsciously send when they are confident or anxious. Take a few days to do this.
When you’ve got enough observations, stop and review your lists and critically appraise your own performance. Which of these things do you do? Simply being more aware of these behaviours will automatically start the process of adjusting to a more confident approach. Putting effort into acting with greater confidence will improve things still further. If you are finding it difficult to notice these things in yourself, turn your lists over to a good friend and ask them for their honest opinion about your performance.
There is much more to confidence than behaving as if you are confident as you will find in the related readings below. For instance, in some situations you will be confident, and in others you’ll be a mess. Learning the conditions which surround and build confidence is also vitally important as you seek to become more influential. So, make sure and keep reading.
A further question that you need to ask is equally important. How do people demonstrate their arrogance? Study others on this one too. When it comes to influence, arrogance doesn’t help. Arrogance is a display of over-confidence, and when people see that in others they doubt them even more, and the benefit of acting confidently is a complete waste of time. With practice, you won’t need to be arrogant. Smooth, high levels of confidence and a healthy dose of humility are perfect influencing companions.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
Ever felt overlooked, unheard, or stuck in office politics? You’re not alone. The Gautrey Influence Blog breaks down the real-world strategies behind leadership, influence, and power—giving you the tools to be heard, respected, and successful. Join 35,000+ professionals getting ahead the smart way—subscribe now..
💡 Benchmark your Influence: Take the Master of Influence Assessment (Free for Subscribers!)
👉 [Subscribe & Take the Assessment]