Because of the disagreement, tension and emotional repercussions of dealing with a difficult person, most people lose sight of reality.
Quite naturally in these circumstances, most people take the problem personally. Rarely do people take it personally in the right way.
The wrong way to take it personally is to foster the emotional reaction that they are slighting you. They dislike you, disrespect you. Pushbacks and disagreements that are interpreted as a personal attack.
Though understandable, the behaviour that causes you to feel that way may lack the intent that comes across. The root cause may be something completely different. But, you’re never going to see that while you are feeling it as a personal attack. And, you will struggle to notice the facts objectively.
Somehow, you need to find a way to (temporarily at least) put your emotional reaction to one side and reach for the facts. What exactly is going on? What could be driving their reactions and behaviours?
When you do this, you will likely discover that it has nothing to do with you, other than that you are in the firing line. You are perhaps the one who is bringing the pressure to bear, or exposing a lack of some sort in what they are doing.
Which means, you don’t need to take it personally in that way.
A good way to take it personally is to rise above the heat and decide to do something positive to remedy the situation. There is an awful lot you can do when you set your mind to it, and checking your attitude is a great starting point.
When I have been coaching people to take responsibility for changing what is happening in a relationships (not taking responsibility for what is wrong) I have seen some remarkable transformations. Here’s one example: Turning an Adversary into a Raving Fan.
The bottom-line is that you have far more choice that you may realise right now, and you can empower yourself to make different choices.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
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