One of the dimensions on the influence profile that you may be familiar with is Emotional Control.
What we’re saying in the influence profile is that basically if there is a big difference between your preferred default behaviours, and the individual you want to influence, there’s likely to be a distraction creep into the interaction, into the communication.
Instead of thinking about what you are saying, they’re thinking about what you’re doing, and the way that you’re doing it. Which means that your influence is likely to be degraded.
So, when it comes to Emotional Control, what we notice is that people who are avoiding Emotional Control, i.e. they’re very expressive, they’re very open, and they like to influence in that way too. They like to say how excited they are. They like to, dare I say, jump up and down.
But, when they meet somebody at the other end of the spectrum who is favouring Emotional Control, these are the people that play their cards very close to their chest. They don’t reveal what they’re feeling about the subject in hand. When they meet these people, these are very cold people, these are very calculating people, they’re very methodical in their approach, and that’s not the way the avoiding Emotional Control people are coded.
They like to show their emotions, to show how passionate they are. But, the people who are favouring Emotional Control, they do it in a different way. And they will look at the people at the other end, who are avoiding Emotional Control and jumping up and down, thinking, “I wish you’d calm down. I wish you’d stick to the facts. Please can you just stop jumping about.”
And this represents a distraction between the two.
What is really amusing to note is, is that when the avoiding Emotional Control person is seeking to influence, they demonstrate their enthusiasm and passion. If they don’t get any communication coming back the other way, if they don’t get that feedback that their communication is working or not, they’ll try harder. They’ll jump higher. They’ll wave their arms even more. And the high favouring Emotional Control cold-fish is going to look at that and think, “Woah, calm down.” Then close up even more.
Actually, quite naturally, these two characters, these two personalities, will move away from each other.
So, wherever you are on the Emotional Control spectrum, think about how that comes across to other people. Think about where the intended target of your influence actually sits on Emotional Control. And start to think of simple ways that you can adapt your behaviour to attempt to move closer to their position, therefore removing the distraction and starting to get that communication flowing more freely.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
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