Going to stick my neck out on this one. And, if you start reading this, I need you to read to the end.
At junior levels you need feedback because you are learning. You are encouraged to ask.
This creates a strong habit, which is useful, until you reach the level at which…
…people expect you to know what you are doing.
From then on, asking for feedback screams that you are unsure.
This doesn’t mean you don’t need feedback. You do. At all levels there is more to learn and you have to get feedback to learn. It doesn’t mean you have to ask for it.
Instead of asking, you have to become more aware of what impact you are having. Notice the body language, read between the lines. And, at the end of the day, make a clear decision about how you are going to respond to what you are noticing.
This goes beyond explicit requests for feedback.
When a curved-ball arrives in the meeting, you’ve got to appear non-plussed, take it in your stride.
Any other reaction sends out the signal that you don’t know, you are unsure. Even a vigorous defence, “Hmm, looks like we’ve hit a nerve there.”
Gravitas is a mandatory requirement to be proficient at senior levels. This is the natural demonstration to all around that you are totally confident that you are able to deliver in your role, come what may, with ease.
How can you have gravitas and still keep asking for feedback?
You can’t.
Which means you need to do two things:
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- Become skilled at picking up the signals from your environment about how you are performing, making sense of all the confused messages, and adjusting your approach.
- Become super-confident that you know what good looks like, and that you are delivering on that.
There is a very delicate balance to strike here, so let me end with a few tips:
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- Be sensitive to the culture and processes for your advancement. Performance reviews are necessary and you have to play ball.
- Develop a few close relationships in which is doesn’t matter if you appear uncertain by asking for feedback.
- Take care not to come across as arrogant beyond cultural tolerances. This will get up peoples’ noses and also shut down your ability to process clues coming from your surroundings.
- Stay on the right side of your boss on this one (and other career stakeholders). Bosses love giving feedback and worry when you seem disinterested.
- There is definitely still a place for humility without asking for feedback. And vulnerability (selective of course). These are important when it comes to leadership.
- And finally, this isn’t about perfection either. Everyone has faults and should do to appear human. Just make sure you’ve got the most important areas nailed. Admitting mistakes is necessary, but find an appropriate way to do this so you display your strengths.
As I’ve said many times, the secret to getting promoted is creating the impression that you are already thinking and operating at the higher level. Asking for feedback betrays that notion.
Besides, you don’t need to ask for feedback, it is all around you if you look carefully.
If you liked this, you may also enjoy: Seeing What You Expect to See
Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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