Usually, if you have managed to achieve high levels of Trust and Credibility and also Communication and Influence, this theme will look after itself. So this last section is deliberately brief because I want you to focus on the first two themes to maximise your progress. Once you have strengthened them, you will have a really good stakeholder relationship. All that is needed here are a few supplementary points which build on this strong base and are relevant to this theme – in fact, they assume you already have a great relationship with your stakeholder!
- Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution is about cultivating and encouraging a robust attitude, which promotes proactive and objective attention to problems facing either party – hopefully well ahead of them becoming a crisis. It is impossible to avoid issues arising in a relationship, but it is a sin to leave problems lying around to fester.
- Care needs to be taken to avoid ascribing blame to people, making accusations and shaming people who you think have erred. Equally, watch your competitive spirit. While that can be great to add a little banter, if people feel embattled by you going into win mode, they are likely to forget collaboration and see if they can beat you instead!
- Establish clear processes in complex relationships which trigger a more sophisticated approach when a problem or conflict is identified. Normal dialogue and relationship management may be inappropriate when the temperature rises. If both sides can see the trigger, they can both recognise the need to adapt their behaviours and processes to best handle the problem or conflict well.
- Even in straightforward relationships it will help to acknowledge the possibility that the usual flow of the interaction may alter. Agreeing what you would do if a serious disagreement arose can help to make it easier to adopt appropriate methods for dealing with a crisis in the relationship. Without this, there tends to be a lag between the need to change behaviour and the actual change taking place. And in that gap, bad feelings and harm can quickly accumulate. If you see a crisis on the horizon – get ready for it by working together.
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- Watch out for the escalation. It is one thing to have a disagreement with someone who you usually get on well with, but if either side gets their superiors involved the whole game starts to change, rapidly. It is legitimate to involve others when a problem arises, but work with your stakeholder to make sure this is done in a way which maximises the chance that you’ll both come out with the best answer and the best relationship. How are you both going to escalate this appropriately? A great question for you both to discuss answers to!
- Maintain the warmth of your relationship while working on problems. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean you can’t have a beer after work – just agree not to talk about the problems back at the office. By the same token, ensure you remember that you are dealing with humans; and where there are humans there are feelings, sensitivities and vulnerabilities. Overly blunt words or direct feedback can easily arouse emotions which could detract from the process of fixing things.
- There is generally nothing wrong with owning up to having made mistakes which contributed to a problem, but it is wrong to avoid responsibility for trying to put things right. Okay, repeatedly making the same mistakes is wrong – keep learning!
- Wherever possible try to depersonalise the problem you are dealing with. That means adopting an objective stance where you can put the person to one side and look at the facts. And that person means you as well as the other guy.
- The point above may help to overcome what I often see as the biggest challenge on Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution – the natural desire for many people to avoid contentious situations. This can be a deep-seated personal defence system which is difficult to shift, and no amount of process and objectivity can completely eradicate it. So recognise its presence if you have it, or if your stakeholder may have this inbuilt caution – forcing them to the table with your assertion is unlikely to be the best way of engaging them.
- Jointly recognise that the problem or conflict has come to an end. It’s been concluded. Congratulate each other for prudent behaviour and arriving at a solution (even if you don’t think you’ve won or come out ahead). Draw a line under it and move on. If it was a big conflict with lots of people involved, you might also decide together that it would be good to get the team(s) together to review learning and improve processes, so that next time it is easier and quicker for all concerned.
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Ever felt overlooked, unheard, or stuck in office politics? You’re not alone. The Gautrey Influence Blog breaks down the real-world strategies behind leadership, influence, and power—giving you the tools to be heard, respected, and successful. Join 35,000+ professionals getting ahead the smart way—subscribe now..
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