If you’re an introvert, and want to become at least a little more extrovert, here are seven steps to help you say farewell to your introversion, and become a little more extrovert, without it hurting.
- Stop identifying as an introvert. This reinforces the behaviours of an introvert because they are consistent with your values, beliefs and identity. Whenever you try to behave like an extrovert, your subconscious will kick you hard, and it will hurt. “Hey, stop doing that, we’re an introvert. Always have been and always will be.” Up goes the stress, discomfort and then “See, I told you so, that was horrible wasn’t it. Please don’t do that again.”
- Change your language. Find more positive words to describe who your are. Instead of focusing on your introverted past behaviour, reflect on the positive aspects. For instance, most introverts are really good listeners. A great shoulder to cry on. Very caring and compassionate people. So, what’s the flip side, the positive side, of your introversion behaviours?
- Stop trying to be an extrovert. Most introverts I’ve spoken to really don’t like the behaviours of the extroverts they know. They find their behaviour false, self-serving and egotistical. They don’t want to be like that, and I can see why. So, don’t try to be something you don’t want to be. Let’s reframe it.
- Change your language. As you did with introversion, reach out for the positive words to describe the behaviours you want to start doing more often. For instance: engaging, friendly, open, fun, good company, informative, informed, well-connected. Settle on the attributes you definitely want and ditch the notion of being extrovert if that’s not what you want to be.
- Redefine your role. When you’re trying to be more extrovert in a gathering of people, most try to be the “life and soul” or the “centre of attention.” That is going to hurt if you’ve habituated more reserved behaviours into your personality. Much easier would be a role where you are aiming to make others feel more comfortable, or seeking to understanding others perspectives, ideas and thoughts. You don’t even have to choose the role of promoting yourself. That will put you off before you start.
- Give yourself a break. Instead of trying to make a good impression or stressing about how you are coming across, let yourself off the hook by just being yourself, relaxing and going with the flow. You’re not going to make a fool of yourself if you are listening to others, asking intelligent questions and adding a little about yourself into the mix. Frankly, you’ll make a better impression most of the time by simply being a good listener and making others feel good about themselves.
- Relax and have some fun. Seriously, if you’ve paid attention to the points above, you don’t need to sweat this, just go have a good time learning more about other people. As they open up, you’ll also be more comfortable and able to open up a little more too. Then, let the good times roll and enjoy making new, deeper relationships.
Above all, find a way to look forward to doing all of this. It may seem distasteful before you get going, but these are the principles I used when I learned how to become more of an extrovert. Ah, sorry, meant to say – to be more of a people person (which was my reframe).
Nowadays, I have no problem jumping into any informal social situation because I know I can relax and have a good time not feeling the need to prove myself to anyone. And in the process, I prove myself to most of those present.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
Ever felt overlooked, unheard, or stuck in office politics? You’re not alone. The Gautrey Influence Blog breaks down the real-world strategies behind leadership, influence, and power—giving you the tools to be heard, respected, and successful. Join 35,000+ professionals getting ahead the smart way—subscribe now..
💡 Benchmark your Influence: Take the Master of Influence Assessment (Free for Subscribers!)
👉 [Subscribe & Take the Assessment]
