You would be surprised at just how much influence happens at a subconscious level. And where this becomes particularly harmful to you and your progress is when you don’t agree with somebody else, and they know it.
When you’re opposing somebody, you’re in disagreement, you know what the right answer is. And there is a very big danger that means that they are wrong.
They are being the idiot. They are being naïve. They are being stupid.
It is easy to cultivate, habitually, the notion that they’re an idiot, that they’re wrong, you’re the one who’s right. You know what should be happening and they’ve missed the boat somewhere. They’ve missed the point.
And it doesn’t matter how much you try to hide these thoughts from them, they’ll smell it. They’ll know it. They’ll know that you don’t agree with them, that you think they’re wrong, or worse.
That is a very unhelpful undercurrent that undermine your influencing attempts, if you are approaching it this way.
So, what I would encourage you to do is to recognise that you may well be right, but they could also be right, because they’re looking at it from a different perspective. They’re looking at it from a different view. They’ve got different experiences. So, from your perspective, based on what you know, you believe you are right.
Now start to seek their version of what is right. Start to understand where they may be coming from in a very authentic way. Not pretending, “Well, let’s pretend that they might also be right, but I know they’re not.” That’s just not going to wash.
What you’ve got to do is to force yourself to take a very objective stance, a very mature stance, and say, “I’m right, and they could also be right. Now let’s work together.”
Then you will start to remove this hindrance to your attempts to influence, and make sure that you are far more effective than you would otherwise have been.
Do a hygiene check. Make sure that you’re not unwittingly undermining your influence.
Related to Stupid People
- Faulty Assumptions: Influencing Mistake No. 2
- What Do You Do when You Meet the Unengageable?
- Diagnosing Relationship Problems
Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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