Thursday, 28th March. End of an on-site day coaching my client’s leaders. Helping people with good heart and intent. And then I opened the saddest email of the year.
From a friend in New York, telling me that my co-author, coach, friend and #1 fan had passed away earlier that day – Dr. Gary Ranker. He had been unwell for a while, but it still came as a shock, and I know many of you will be familiar with how I felt at that moment. Denying the reality, never quite believing such a thing was possible.
Gary (or Gar as he liked his friends to call him) has been an inspiration and I have learned a great many things from him over the years. My most significant lessons could be useful to you too:
Be a No. 1 Fan
It’s sad that you only realise some of these lessons when it is too late, but Gar always demonstrated his enthusiasm for what I was doing. Not simple generalities but, being very specific about what he saw me doing that he thought was exceptional or needed improvement.
This meant a great deal to me. The encouragement, the feedback, the certainty that someone was rooting for me. It doesn’t matter how independent you think you are, having someone there, cheering you on, is extremely powerful.
We all need a No. 1 fan, and having experienced that in full force, feeling the benefit from it, I am now committed to become a greater fan of others. I know from personal experience what a big a deal this is.
Cultural Curiosity
This man was a true man of the world, and the modern world. He lived and worked on all continents. He believed passionately that it is vital to develop a depth of empathy with all people and cultures.
So strong was this drive that in the last few years he spent time living in a remote Chinese village with no ability to talk with his hosts, on his own – just to experience what it was like. He travelled to many places such as Mongolia, Iraq, you name it, Gar was up for it.
This meant that he was intimately aware of the feelings, the tensions between different cultures, and he was thus able to work with all cultures effectively and enrich his work with global executives.
In fact, so many times when we talked, he started a topic with, “Colin, it’s fascinating when you start to realise just how deeply the people of [Japan/Korea/Brazil/Canada…] feel about…” Gar revelling in cultural diversity.
And this is a big deal too. Tenaciously learning about other people, and so should we.
Depth of Friendship
It is easy to talk about investing in your relationships. Doing it is another matter. But that is just what Gar did. Not with everyone, though his generosity of spirit was remarkable. Once you got into a friendship with Gar, he put time, effort and energy into REALLY getting to know you.
And this was done with a pure desire to help, to be there, to support. He didn’t do it for what he might gain, what he could get out of it. Totally there for you.
This is another big deal. To have friends like this is an amazing feeling. Knowing that someone else has got that level of interest and concern for you.
Optimism
While Gar was always aware of reality, he never ceased to amaze me with his optimism, about everything. He always worked hard to look on the bright side and believe that good things would come.
Only two weeks ago he told me that his doctors were predicting an almost full recovery. While that was sadly not the case, what his attitude allowed him to do during his life, and particularly during the last few years, was to be far more able to help others.
He didn’t stop helping people whenever he could, regardless of his own personal situation. And that level of optimism is something we could all aspire to.
Spirit of Fun and Adventure
If there was fun to be had, Gar was there. Laughing with others and helping them to enjoy the adventure too. It didn’t matter how serious other things were, he still wanted to find the fun in life.
On one occasion, he certainly demonstrated my lack in that department. We were at Coney Island amusement park near New York. We’d done all the standard roller-coasters with much excitement, then Gar pointed to the next and I shied away. His encouragement didn’t budge me, so off he went on his own.
The funny thing was, as he went in, they wanted to know how old he was, concerned it might be too much for him. Not likely, the smile on his face when he returned was quite memorable. I think that was a few days before his 70th birthday!
And this is something I really admired in him, and now aspire to myself. Life if for living, so do everything you can to live it at full volume, in ways that help and encourage others.
There are many other things I could say, but I think for me, these are the most significant lessons I’ve drawn from Gary, and I hope you can too:
- What are you doing to ensure you raise the level of fun and adventure in your life?
- How are you continuously cultivating hope, optimism and positive expectations?
- Who are you a friend to, and what else could you be doing to enrich their lives?
- Are you really committed to understanding others, as far and as wide as possible?
And the biggest one for me:
- Who will one day realise that you were their No. 1 fan?
Gary will be missed by many, including the family he held so dear, his friends, colleagues and clients.
Rest in peace Gar. A life well lived and an inspiration to so many.
Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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