There is a problem.
If I show you how to become influential, what does that mean for the people you influence? What will you do with that power? Will you use it to influence good things, or will you use it to fulfil your selfish ambitions? If you become so much more powerful, does that mean all those around you will be dominated?
For me, this is a tough one to answer, because I don’t know you very well. I can equip you with all the ideas, frameworks and practical action, but I still don’t know what you will do with it. The ethical question is a reasonable challenge to anyone working in my field ― showing people how to influence others.
In many ways, the term ‘influence’ implies win/lose. If I influence you, you will have failed to influence me. To gain the ethical tick, what needs to be added is ‘informed and willing’. To be blunt, if you influence people to do something that they are not fully informed about, or are unwilling to do, you are abusing your power and influence.
Notice that I am not saying ‘wanting’ to do it, just ‘willing’ to do it. We all have to do things we don’t want to do. That is real life. Ethical influence is about gaining their acceptance and choosing to do it rather than forcing people to do things. And, of course, the most effective influence is getting people to really ‘want’ to do it ― that is the ultimate goal of the ethical influencer.
Watch or Listen Here
A couple of days ago, I was horrified to see someone offering to show people ‘sleight of mouth’, to persuade people ‘without them even knowing’. I’m no expert on NLP, and I am sure that they have convinced themselves that it is ethical, but to me it stinks. Generally, the reason for hiding is so people don’t know. As an influencing tactic, it means that if it was known, the answer would be no. Sadly, this example is just one of many I have seen.
To my way of thinking, as you become more influential, the following ethical rules should shape your influencing work.
The Five Rules of Ethical Influence
While I say “rule” this relates to the perfect performance. Life isn’t quite like that, so think of these as guidelines to breach only when you consider it to be absolutely necessary.
Influence Rule No. 1: Always help people to make balanced and informed decisions.
Adhering to this may not always get you what you want, but it will help to protect your relationship which should be good for the long term. Mislead people and it will come back to bite you later.
Influence Rule No. 2: Ensure pitches include the drawbacks as well as the benefits.
A conservative estimate is that 95% of influencers rarely explore openly the aspects of their proposals that could be to the disadvantage of the person they are attempting to influence. This may cause buyer remorse later, or worse! So, here is a golden opportunity to demonstrate your care and boost the relationship.
Learn more about this point, and other mission critical ones factors when it comes to successful and ethical influence in Seven Things Your Opposition Hopes You’ll Never Learn
Influence Rule No. 3: Be clear and open with people about your own interests.
If you don’t share it, they’ll wonder. And they will go and ask other people what you are up to. Which means at best you are losing control of the dialogue and could fall victim to misrepresentation by your political adversaries! But, before you go too far, carefully consider the Risks and Rewards of Exposing Your Agenda.
Influence Rule No. 4: Aim for people wanting to do what you want them to do.
While simple to understand, actually executing on this is much more difficult. Forcing people to do things they don’t want to do can land you in hot water, but can still be a viable and ethical approach (see Five Reasons You Should Use More Force and Command and Control: Alive and Kicking).
Influence Rule No. 5: Never mislead people into doing something that you know will harm them.
Why would you? If you are unable to achieve your goals by fair an human means, you are either trying to do something you should not be doing, or you are prepared to adopt an inhuman approach to your business. Your choice, but in my book, I’d wager it will come back to bite you sooner or later.
Being truthful with you, as I write this I can already see a few areas I could improve upon ― how about you? Be honest, with yourself at least, how clean is your act?
And yes, I am fully aware that if you live by these rules, at times there will be a personal cost. But I have to believe that, in the long term, this is the only way to have a healthy life being influential.
Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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