During a closing coaching call with a senior project manager the other day we were reviewing how he had transformed his performance. He had made substantial progress on all of the traits of a professional influencer, but still something was missing.
His SVP had congratulated him on the change, especially on his political awareness and analysis, but he thought my client should do something to improve his relationships with other senior executives. He couldn’t be specific, he just said vaguely that they needed to be better.
As we discussed the problem it was clear that he had built levels of trust with his stakeholders (well, all bar one, but that’s another story). He was adding significant value, engaging frequently and cultivating two-way problem-solving. In fact, many of his stakeholder were now beating a path to his door to seek his input. So, what was the SVP talking about?
Finally, we hit upon the missing ingredient: warmth.
It is common for talented and ambitious people to drive towards results. Consequently, relationships take on a more transactional flavour. How does each exchange contribute to the goal? In technical professions, the leaning towards task-focused relationships is especially noticeable. The pressure is on to get the job done. The behaviours associated with assertion and drive are rarely include warmth, amiability or geniality.
Does it matter? Well certainly according to my client’s SVP. I believe so too. Yes, I look back and can definitely see that I’ve been there, and probably still am at times (old habits and all that). However, in the main, the reason why warmth works is that it communicates to the other person an element of humanity, compassion (one of the Nine Traits of a Professional Influencer) and empathy. It tells people that you are not just out for whatever you can get. Warmth takes trust to a whole new level.
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To inject a little more warmth into your relationships at work:
- Begin by getting to know what it means. Research it a little and come up with a list of descriptors you can use. Think about how you know it when you see it (or rather feel it) coming from someone else. Reflecting on personal relationships may help here, but don’t take this too far into the workplace!
- Audit your key relationships. Make a list of the most important people you need to have an exceptional relationship with. Score each out of 10 based on how much warmth exists between the two of you. You might like to note if it is two-way or just one way.
- Sell yourself on the benefits. Don’t just take my word for it, think about it for yourself. How will you gain if your key relationships become warmer? What will you (and they) gain? If you can’t find a benefit you’ll probably not do anything about it.
- Study warmth in action. Observe others who are demonstrating warmth, with you or with others. What are they doing that makes you think they are displaying warmth? Make a list of as many clues as possible.
- Start small and go slowly. Target one or two stakeholders. Decide on little things you can try to inject a little more warmth. Don’t do too much or they may think you are up to something. Add a bit and see how they respond. Then add a little more.
- Review your performance. Maybe this is going a little too far, but if you are serious about improving your relationships, make sure to score yourself after every meetings with your stakeholder. How much warmth do you think you showed? Why? How did they respond? What would you do differently to create more warmth?
- Make it real. It is vital that you do not do the above simply in order to get something for yourself. Just like networking, this has to be a long term endeavour for it to work properly. Cultivate a genuine interest and care for the stakeholders you are working with. This doesn’t mean you have to become life-long friends or inseparable, but it does mean that you need to have compassion and empathy.
Another reason why warmth works is that it subtly communicates that you’re relaxed, confident and have your work under control. In the workplace, warmth is often a luxury that few can afford. To make the ideas above viable you need to make sure that you have nailed your day job by becoming Conscious, Considered and Careful. Then you can relax into the relationships and have some fun.
Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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The Gautrey Unleashed Blog
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