To my way of thinking, the ultimate boss-subordinate relationship is experienced as a mutually beneficial collaboration or partnership that also respects the hierarchical status. This means you are both working together, sharing, problem-solving and doing your level best to help each other because you both know at a deep level it is in your best interests.
How does your boss relationship measure up to that ideal?
If my recent coaching experience is anything to go by, at best only 2/3rds of people have this quality. Had I probed, my guess would be less than 10%.
If you’re in that 10%, look after that relationship like a most precious asset, because right now, given what is going on in the world, a great deal of disruption is heading in your direction. Having a strong relationship with the boss is going to serve you well.
I’ve said before, as in 2008, this current crisis will turn into a political storm in a great many organisations and then the politics is going to become extremely difficult.
So, if you don’t have a good relationship now, or wish to ensure you are fostering a closer relationship, my number one suggestion is to get to know more about their agenda.
Hypothesise the Boss’ Agenda
Pause for a moment and pretend to be sitting in their seat:
- How have the last few months been changing their world?
- What additional pressures have borne down on their shoulders?
- How are they feeling emotionally right now?
- What political battles have they had recently?
- Have you noticed changes in their other relationships, with their peers, boss or your colleagues?
- What is causing them to lose sleep at night, or sleep like a baby?
- Has their performance been called into question?
- What’s happening in their world outside of work?
- What are they really trying to do now?
Gather More Intelligence
During the next few days, use your network of contacts to quietly sense-check your initial answers to the questions above, and any more relevant ones that come to mind. Try not to get caught by the emotions of others if they are struggling with your boss too. What you want to aim for is getting others to open up more about what they see happening right now. You definitely don’t want to get into a good old gossiping session, or simply moaning about how bad everything is.
Test Your Hypothesis
Firstly, you may wish to gently expose some of your ideas about your boss’ agenda to close contacts, those that you really trust. Try to pitch this as a musing rather than an accusation. Instead of “I think the boss is gunning for revenge against Joe.” try “Hmm, I may be wrong, but it almost feels like the boss doesn’t like how Joe is behaving at the moment, what do you think?” The idea here is to just throw out a thought and see what comes back from your friend.
Then, when you are ready, test it out with the boss. The exact way to do this depends on how things are between you. Sometimes it might be best to shoot an accusation at them, other times the right approach will be more tentative.
Ideally you should aim for maximising the chances that the boss will open up and tell you what is really going on. This means you need trust between you to be as high as possible and likely, a more informal setting without time pressures on either of you.
One of the most common complaints I hear is that the boss either doesn’t understand, or is not recognising or appreciating the problems. This naturally inclines one to protest, attempting to get the boss to listen and understand. Actually, this is a high risk strategy as it is tantamount to forcing them to pay attention, when clearly they don’t want to, or can’t. Not the best influencing strategy in the world, but the most common one!
Once you have a good feel for the boss’ agenda, you can then demonstrate that you understand them first, that you have an appreciation (not necessarily agreement) with what is happening to them right now. This will be felt and even if not demonstrated, will be appreciated. Then the door will begin to open and the chances of a mutually beneficial relationship emerging will be so much greater.
And if not, you’ll still have a great deal more awareness of what you’re really up against!
NB: If you really want to transform this relationship, ad recognise the huge benefits you could gain, you may wish to dive into how to Win Over Your Boss.
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