When you have to engage with someone, and you have a difficult message to deliver, a decision needs to be made about how direct and assertive you can be. Put another way, you need to decide how tactful and diplomatic you have to be to avoid causing offense.
Unfortunately, this decision is often an automatic one based on our own personal preferences. Direct and assertive people like people to be very direct when speaking. That is how their world operates. However, others are more sensitive and like to work with a great degree of harmony. That is their world, and that is just the way they like it.
In order to determine how much tact you have to add to your message, you need to make a judgment on how sensitive the other person is.
- How do they treat others? Are they careful with the way they express things trying to avoid upset?
- How sensitive are they to what others are thinking? Can they pick up on the subtle clues and surprise you with how much they seem to know about how people are feeling?
- Do they listen first before sharing their views?
- Are they apologetic and cautious?
- Do they make plenty of time for others and have a reputation for being approachable and a good listener?
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These are just a few of the clues you can start looking out for. When you are thinking about a particular individual that you need to give a hard message to, use this list to score them out of 10 for sensitivity. Evidence of any of these clues will start to move someone up towards a score of 10. The higher they go, the more tactful you probably need to be.
There are also a number of other factors which can move the score up. So, before you deliver a critical message, think about:
- What else might be going on in their life right now?
- How personally connected are they to the object of your feedback?
- How much time and effort have they put into that work?
- Will they feel embarrassed in front of others who are important to them?
- How much pressure/stress are they under at the moment?
So many people have been given feedback that that are tactless and keep upsetting people. Yet in reality, some people are far more interested in direct feedback than many imagine. The skill that needs to be acquired is not so much about being more, or less, tactful. Instead, it is about being a fine just of just the amount of tact that will achieve your objective.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
Ever felt overlooked, unheard, or stuck in office politics? You’re not alone. The Gautrey Influence Blog breaks down the real-world strategies behind leadership, influence, and power—giving you the tools to be heard, respected, and successful. Join 35,000+ professionals getting ahead the smart way—subscribe now..
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