When you discover somebody’s been talking behind your back, providing negative feedback to maybe the senior management or another group of people that is putting you at a disadvantage, it’s very understandable that you’re going to be upset.
You might be angry, frustrated, really annoyed with that individual, particularly if they deny that they’ve done it and you know for sure that they have.
Having those emotions, experiencing those emotions is not necessarily going to help you at this stage. A number of things to consider.
The first is that quite often fantasy takes over. As soon as we get a hint that something might be wrong, that somebody might be whispering behind our back, we’re almost preprogrammed to start to fantasise about what they might be saying. What could go wrong? How could they be embellishing it? How might they be lying about what we’re about and what we’re doing?
Those fantasies can feed on themselves and grow out of control very quickly. Why do these fantasies happen? Because we take it personally. Of course we take it personally because they’re talking about us and therefore it’s natural you’ve got to take it personally. But, that’s not going to help you because taking it personally means it’s emotional. It means you’re staying connected with those emotions.
In reality, it might have nothing to do with you other than you are a hindrance to them. You are standing in their way. You are frustrating their objectives, whatever those are. You can fantasise about how they’re playing the politics and what have they’ve done to your heart’s content, but that’s the emotion. Leave that over there and see if you can depersonalise it and say, “What is going on for this person? What is happening? What else might be causing her to go and see those things about me?”
Another thing to recognise is that there’s something wrong in the relationship, particularly if they’re not prepared to tell you what they’ve said or if they feel they’ve got to go and tell other people before telling you that you’ve done something that they’re displeased with.
Why don’t they trust you? Why aren’t they open with you? Maybe there’s something that you’re doing or have been doing that is really getting in the way of them opening up to you and being honest with you.
It’s very easy in busy workplaces to neglect to maintain and develop high trust relationships, but it is mission critical if you want to have a good working experience and particularly to be able to collaborate and work well with other people. Think about what you’ve been doing. Think about what’s been going on in the relationship. As you start to think about all these things, keep it objective. Keep the analysis going through. Then you will start to find the clues as to what you might be able to do for the best.
For sure, you need to get hold of this. You need to do something about it. You need to work on the relationship, and you need to find peace. At the end of the day, if you are good at your job, you don’t want these petty little things getting in the way and spoiling what otherwise could be a very good positive reputation.
My final point here is about reputation and maximising your proactivity regardless of these little trivial events that might be going on, however important and big they might seem. What are you doing proactively to manage the good press around you, your work and building your reputation?
The Gautrey Influence Blog
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