When you want to get something done, you will use the approach that is most likely to be affective for you. That is based on your experience, your skills, your capabilities, what’s worked for you in the past. In fact, you’ll have your own subconscious rulebook about the way these things should be decided, the way you should get what you want, because it’s worked for you in the past.
That’s reasonable and understandable. Interesting thing is though, the colleagues around you may have a different rulebook. What’s worked for them in the past may have been different approaches, different techniques, different skills to get what they want.
This becomes very interesting when you disagree with someone who is living by a different rulebook. What tends to happen, is you will both attempt to reach agreement using your own rules.
Imagine you’re up against somebody who is used to lying, manipulating, playing games in order to get what they want. And you, well maybe because you’re here reading this, have a high integrity approach, where you’re looking out for the best for all in the organisation you’re working in.
You’ve got your rules, they’ve got their rules – very different ways of playing it. And the thing is, what you are going be trying to do is to get your opponent, the person on the other side of the disagreement or the conflict, to come and try and play by your rules where you are most comfortable. They will be trying to do the opposite, and get you over onto their playing field, with their rulebook.
The person who is used to playing dirty tricks will be trying to get you to play dirty tricks.
Why?
Because they know they’re better at it than you.
Similarly, you’re going to be (probably subconsciously because this is the way it should work) trying to invite them over onto your playing field to play by your rules with hight integrity. Because that’s the way you’re coded and that’s the way you believe it should work. And in many cases, it has for you, which is fine.
But don’t get tempted over onto their playing field. Don’t. Because you’re going fail. You are going to be less well equipped to be able to deal with the dirty trick player, the manipulator, and that’s to their advantage then.
So where at all possible, notice that it is happening and try stop it, try to insist that the game is played on your playing field, by your rules, so that you are far more likely to be successful.
The Gautrey Influence Blog
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