According to Adlerian Psychology, the journey from childhood to adulthood is the path to self-reliance. If you do not have a high degree of self-reliance, have you honestly achieved maturity?
Children are reliant on others. Very young children, heavily dependent. Older children, much less so. Yet, even as we mature and drive forward in the grown-up world, the habits of dependence linger. To a large extent, because it is convenient to the powers that be, who have constructed a society of dependency.
Dependency is a balance of power, with one party under the control of the other, to a certain degree.
If someone is dependent on another for financial support, the other person can determine the terms and conditions. What choice does that dependent child have?
With independent means, at least economically, you do not have to accept the terms, and can walk away from the deal.
Thus, a key part of the journey to self-reliance, adulthood, is the pursuit of financial independence.
There are many other aspects of self-reliance that need to be considered in this journey too. For instance, to what extent are you:
- An independent thinker? Being able to think critically about issues of importance to you, without being unduly influenced by others, including news outlets and partners.
- Self-reliant for your own emotional and mental wellbeing? Do you determine what emotions you feel at any point, or are you triggered by others?
- Physically self-reliant? There are limits here, but being as healthy as you possibly can be, able to manage your diet, health and fitness, without the need for medication, will put you in a good place.
- Choosing your own values and beliefs? The odds are stacked against you on this one, but you can (judiciously) step out of your culture, and choose what to believe in rather than accepting the values and beliefs of those around you.
These, and many other aspects need serious consideration on the road to self-reliance, and the further you travel along it, the more content and in control of your life you will be.
Don’t run away with the idea that I am advocating disconnection with those around you. Quite the opposite in fact.
Because, the more self-reliant you become, the more able you will be to engage with others in a fair and equitable way. From a position of strength you will then be able to decide how to support others in their journey. And, how to have fun together with unbreakable relationships – collaborating for mutual benefit.
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Colin Gautrey
Provocative Coach/Mentor | Specialism: Impact and Influence
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