When you fall apart in the face of tough opposition, people who are angry, aggressive or extremely assertive, it feels horrible, and knowing what to do for the best is illusive.
To begin developing the capability to handle these situations, here are seven questions to ask yourself:
- Why does it matter so much to you? Seriously, you must be putting yourself under pressure to perform better for a reason.
- If they were your best friend and they behaved like this, what would you do? This is a reframe: What if they are your best friend?
- Are you grossly exaggerating the potential consequences? Sure, you may feel like the end of the world is nigh, but it probably isn’t.
- Why are you denying them the opportunity to help you? Another reframe. Despite their despicable behaviour, they are actually trying their level best to help you. How would you respond if this were true?
- Why do you allow them to do this to you? The other party clearly believes they have the right to respond to you in this way, and you’ve let them do it. Another reframe?
- If the consequences didn’t matter to you at all, how would you respond to them? You can care about the results, and you can be neutral about what transpires – if you practice.
- What on earth is going on in their personal life to make them behave like this? Most of the time, bad behaviour has little to do with the situation or the recipient. Most of the time it is caused by other things going on for that person.
The point of these questions is to stimulate you thinking on the way you are behaving when you meet these difficult situations. As you ponder, you need to be alert for the clues that will lead you to more effective strategies/tactics for dealing with them effectively.
Bonus Observation
In virtually all cases, people think they are being attacked and take it personally. In virtually all cases, this is not true at all.
Bonus Question
How are you going to empower yourself to respond more effectively?
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